The Ramblings of A Missionary Wife

You know the feeling...your bucket is empty. You are physically, emotionally, and mentally empty and dry. You given all you have and life just keeps coming, like the waves, hard and fast, and you are just surviving. Trying to keep your head above water and not drown. But this isn't a situation that you can just walk out of. It's very different than you imagined it would be. The life you are living is your calling. It's the path God has put you feet on and asked you to walk out of love for Him. With joy. It started out that way. When you began your journey, life was beautiful and everything was green and you danced in the rain. Your eyes were lifted up and bright. You were up for adventure and new things. It was exciting. But now, it just seems like you are dragging your feet down this dry and dirty road. The green is gone and you feel like you're in a desert. The rain that you once danced in now feels cold and you curse it as it falls... This past year has b

As a missionary, we get asked some weird questions, especially while on furlough. And we get asked a lot of the same questions. Common ones include- "So, don't you just love it there?" Is it like being on vacation all the time?" (ha!) "How many people have you led to Christ?" And probably one of the top ones is- "Is it safe over there?" The dictionary describes safe as: protected from or not exposed to danger or risk; not likely to be harmed or lost; uninjured with no harm done. I guess I understand what people are asking, but sometimes I want to ask them the same thing- "Are you safe here?" Don't get me wrong. I am all about safety and being aware and careful, but it seems more like a fear loaded question of, "Are you sure you should be doing what you are doing? Because you might get killed you know." Being the nerd I am, a good Lord of The Rings quote always brings balance... "It's a dangerous business,

Over the past couple of weeks, we have experienced something new with our kids. Grief. Not just crying over someone they missed but deep grieving over the losses they have experienced in their few short years of living in this fallen world. I was totally unprepared and have felt utterly helpless. Two weeks ago, we had the privilege of attending our annual mission conference. It is a great time to catch up on what all God is doing in the Philippines and reconnect with friends. Although we serve in the same country, serving on different islands makes it difficult for us to get together and it will sometimes even be a couple years in between visits. Our kids have friends here that they have grown up with since they were born, so it is a special time for them especially. After two weeks of fun and friends, we started our long trip back to our island. And that's when the tears began. I thought it was just the normal crying when we say goodbyes and gave my normal "comfort&

True confessions- Over the past few weeks, a lot of things have come to the surface for me that I feel like I have buried.  I am going to be very honest because I am just a normal person and even missionaries struggle and sin. I wanted to share about this not for you to feel sorry for me, but to show how awesome and faithful God has been to me. A year or so before we moved to the Philippines, I started having some anxiety symptoms, mind racing, constant stomach cramps, fatigue, and sadness, though at that time I didn't know that was what it was. After struggling for several months, I went to see our family doctor who is also a strong believer and good friend. He prescribed me a low dose of anxiety meds that helped with my symptoms and I have been on it for the past 7 years.  Three weeks after moving to the Philippines, my mom suffered a complete mental, emotional, and physical breakdown. Only by God's grace was I able to commit myself to being where I was, knowing that

Our whirlwind year began with flying back to the Philippines and preparations for moving all of our stuff from one island to another. As we were spending time with family around the holidays and packing up to come back to the Philippines, we were blessed with some encouragement from several people in our family that helped to change my perspective on things that were coming. You all know I don't like change. I blog about it pretty much every post. And I realized that I was so focused on the change that some of the excitement was being lost. Instead, our family kept saying how excited they were for us as we began our next adventure. And I thought- "Adventure. Hu. Sounds a lot more exciting than lots of change." And God whispered to my heart- "Living your life for me is and always will be an adventure." So that has become our word for this year. ADVENTURE. The definition of adventure is- 1. An exciting or very unusual experience. 2. Participation i