Sometimes it just hits me. I have a few second of quiet, when you question your existence. “Am I really here right now? Am I dreaming? It still seems like I should be sitting on my daddy’s knee with my little Bubba, safe & secure in comfort, away from danger & risk. Have I dreamed all of this into existence? Do I really have 2 beautiful kids? Have I really been married for 10 years to a man who far exceeds my every dream?”
I find asking these questions. Why can’t my life just be normal? Why can’t it just be like everyone else’s? Why can’t we have some consistency, God? Just one little, consistent thing? Like, knowing how much money we will have this month or can we just have one place instead of five to call home? The life we live is hard. Constant & painful goodbyes. Wiping tears from little eyes because we have to leave Grampy & Grammy again. Hugging my husband in the morning as he goes to fly a tiny plane in the jungle into some of the smallest airstrips in creation. Loss is real. Living and being a part of two completely different cultures & trying to stay connected with both.
As I sat & thought about these things today, I realized that my life is one of extremes. Even my favorite things are extremes. Mountains & oceans. I struggle with finding balance in all areas of my life. I can’t do anything halfway. My husband says that I love fiercely. Sometimes I wish I didn’t because then it wouldn’t hurt fiercely. I struggle hard with things. It’s hard to let go. It’s hard to leave my family. It’s hard to watch my babies cry. I find myself asking God, “Why? Why does my life have to be so extreme? Couldn’t I have just moved a state away instead of an ocean away? Why can’t we just be normal & have some consistency?”
Over the past few weeks, the Lord has been answering. A follower of Christ doesn’t live a normal life, because we don’t serve a normal God. My life cannot be anything but extreme, because my God is extreme. Instead of resisting the extremes of my life, embrace them. God loves extremely! Sending your son to die is extreme! His Spirit does extreme, unexplainable things. His peace is extreme beyond reason. He takes extreme evil & uses it for extreme good. He takes extreme fear & turns it into extreme trust. He is the God of the extreme & unexplainable. He does things that don’t make sense & calls His people to do things that don’t make sense. He is always there even when we don’t see Him. From the majestic mountains to the deepest oceans, He’s there. (Psalm 139:9-10) That is EXTREME!
So as followers of our extreme God- Trust extremely. Serve extremely. Rest extremely. Love extremely.
"Because we understand our fearful responsibility to the Lord, we work hard to persuade others. God knows we are sincere, and I hope you know this, too. Are we commending ourselves to you again? No, we are giving you a reason to be proud of us, so you can answer those who brag about having a spectacular ministry rather than having a sincere heart. If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit. Either way, Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them. So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin,e so that we could be made right with God through Christ." 2 Corinthians 5:11-21