Wednesday, November 18, 2015

I Can't Handle Any More Change

Well, it's November. And yep, we were supposed to be back in the Philippines in October. I can't even count how many times our plans have been changed and how many times I have been asked, "Now, when are you leaving again?" Don't get me wrong- I LOVE my little home in the desert, being here for the holidays, Starbucks red cups, Target, (mom sigh)... but my heart is ready to go back.

My friend and I were joking around the other day talking about how we anticipate/dread our husbands coming home for lunch because we never know what new plan has hatched that day that changes everything. Well, today was one of those days. My husband and I started talking about something that has recently happened that could change our plans yet again. I had already considered this possibility in my head last week, but hearing him voice it out loud made my heart lurch. Outwardly, I think I smiled and made some comment about how God is in control, but inside I was screaming- "I CAN'T HANDLE ANYMORE CHANGE."

I have tried to be really chill about it. To others, I have seemed really chill about it. And the Lord has really done a huge work in my heart over the last few years in teaching me to be flexible and trusting Him. And I do trust Him, but that doesn't make it easy.

For a while, there was a quote going around- "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." Don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, but that's a lie. All through Scripture and all through life, God allows people to experience more than they can handle. Because it is then that He really becomes our strength because we can't handle it. But oh- it is still hard, Hard, HARD!

Pray for me guys. We have 3 big moves coming up in the next 4-5 months, lots of goodbyes, traveling, and expenses. I seriously don't even know where we will be in a few weeks.

The Lord keeps whispering to my heart- "I don't change. I'm always the same. Always there. And I am for you, not against you. I never change."