When He is Gone...
Whether he is actually gone on a trip, working 70-80 hour work-weeks, or home, but "not really there", how do you cope? Josh has been working with a friend on the airplane all week long and we basically have said "Hi" and "Bye." The last few months have been like this with hardly one day break in between. I naturally find myself just planning everyday as if he will not be there or involved at all. Do you find yourself getting lonely? Do you just throw in the towel and decide to let your house go and your kids scream or do you micro-manage even more? My honey-do list just gets longer everyday and I find myself trying to tackle some of the things on it myself. This is definitely a learning and stretching time and a time of constantly relying on the Lord. It has helped me to come to know that Lord more as a friend and companion. I know a lot of you know where I am coming from and I was just curious as to how the Lord has shown you how to deal with this.
Been there (am there) too, Candy! One of the things that helps us stay close is to try to text each other throughout the day--just little things like "I love you" or funny quotes the kids say throughout the day. I try to take time with the kids each day to specifically pray for Daddy, and tell them throughout the day, "Daddy is in his class now," "Daddy is going to his meeting--we should pray for him," or "did you know that Daddy works hard so you can have yummy food to eat?" I try to keep him "here" by talking about him and praying for him, both by myself and with the kids.
ReplyDeleteWe also try to be intentional about the time when Caleb is home--not just flop down in exhaustion, but take time to do something together, to talk, or to play with the kids.
It's REALLY tempting to just try to do everything yourself when you know they won't be there--I try to do some of the smaller things myself (taking out the trash, paying some of the bills, cleaning out the car, running his errands, etc.), but I think it's important for Caleb to know that he's needed, too, and to pull him back to family life and relational living instead of always school, always the job. So, that's a balance we're still finding. I've largely figured out how to cope a lot on my own, especially since I'm naturally independent anyway; but, I don't think it's healthy to be that way; I have to work on that still. :-)
Don't let your house go or your kids scream--and don't micromanage even more. Just relax and enjoy the ride, even when you're on your own a lot. :-) God says, "my grace is sufficient for thee; my strength is made perfect in weakness." And remember, even when a day goes horribly and you feel lonely and like a complete overwhelmed failure, "His mercies are new every morning." And He is always with us. :-)
I also try to come at it from the perspective that I want to be the best helpmeet to Caleb that I can. If that means taking on a little more because he's not here to do it, then that is my way of helping to ease some of the burden off him so he can do what he needs to do. At the same time, I know my own tendency to overcommit and overdo and just suffer through things without saying anything; so, I have to be careful on that end, not to overwhelm myself and get really stressed out and stress our kids out. Plus, Caleb's first responsibility and ministry is to be a husband and then a father; other ministry and work and school come after that. We constantly work on keeping those things in balance. If he does great in school and we have no debt, but I'm exhausted and stressed out and our kids are undisciplined and haven't seen daddy in days, then we've failed. Our first mission field is right here in our family. Sometimes Caleb has to be away or work long hours and that's unavoidable--in those circumstances, we lean on God and try to push through, "not just somehow but TRIUMPHANTLY", as my family says. :-)
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