Honest Holiday Feelings- 2 Years Later

One of my favorite things about having a blog & journaling is looking back at what the Lord has taught me & brought me through. As I was looking back this week, my eyes fell on a post from 2 years ago, Honest Holiday Feelings. I was really struggling. Nothing felt like Christmas. Hot, drippy, sweaty just doesn't feel Christmasy.

I'm not sure what has changed, but this year is different. Granted, I'm still struggling. We always are struggling with something. We wouldn't be human nor would we long for our REAL home if struggling ceased. It's still super hot & I still dripped sweat while decorating my tree this year. I still miss being with my family for the holidays, Starbucks Christmas drinks, boots & scarves. But I can honestly say that, there is no where I'd rather be than here on my little island home right now. I still can't pinpoint exactly what is different, but I'm pretty sure the key is purposeful thankfulness.

The last nine months have been the most difficult yet for us as a family. It has been a roller coaster ride that never ends. Going from being extremely busy to flying almost slacking off completely. Constant changing of plans & looming unknowns. Being hurt by people we love. Being incredibly blessed by others. Times of loneliness. Times of friends abundant. No stability. More goodbyes than I care to count. Joyful reunions...



We've watched our little island country slowly struggle to get back on its feet in the aftermath of the worst typhoon in history & helped in what little ways we can. It has been absolutely overwhelming as we have seen incredible destruction with smiling faces poking out of the rubble because now they have rice to eat.


It's amazing what looking into the face of tragedy does to your heart. Overflowing thankfulness is the only response. I know tragedy & sadness often make people hard & angry at God & I could be there as well. So easy. But I haven't been able to get this out of my mind- 

"So Jesus said to the twelve, "You do not want to go away also, do you?" Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life." -John 6:67-68

Where else would I go? Who else has the words that speak life to the weary & hurting soul? 

Thankfulness & gratitude. They make all the difference. Focusing on what I do have, not what I don't. Knowing who I serve. He speaks peace & life to my heart. 

Whether you are with you family or far away from them this Christmas, in tropics or snow, with lots of presents under tree or with few, may your heart know the One who has the words of life. Let Him speak peace to you & thank Him. 




"The people here are so very, very happy for all the food things you bring us here!" --Lucilla, grandma to many children and grandchildren on Bandit island that will now get to eat one meal today.  One.







Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When You're Draining Your Own Bucket

Image
You know the feeling...your bucket is empty. You are physically, emotionally, and mentally empty and dry. You given all you have and life just keeps coming, like the waves, hard and fast, and you are just surviving. Trying to keep your head above water and not drown. But this isn't a situation that you can just walk out of. It's very different than you imagined it would be. The life you are living is your calling. It's the path God has put you feet on and asked you to walk out of love for Him. With joy. It started out that way. When you began your journey, life was beautiful and everything was green and you danced in the rain. Your eyes were lifted up and bright. You were up for adventure and new things. It was exciting. But now, it just seems like you are dragging your feet down this dry and dirty road. The green is gone and you feel like you're in a desert. The rain that you once danced in now feels cold and you curse it as it falls... This past year has b...
Read more

True Confessions- My Story Of Healing

Image
True confessions- Over the past few weeks, a lot of things have come to the surface for me that I feel like I have buried.  I am going to be very honest because I am just a normal person and even missionaries struggle and sin. I wanted to share about this not for you to feel sorry for me, but to show how awesome and faithful God has been to me. A year or so before we moved to the Philippines, I started having some anxiety symptoms, mind racing, constant stomach cramps, fatigue, and sadness, though at that time I didn't know that was what it was. After struggling for several months, I went to see our family doctor who is also a strong believer and good friend. He prescribed me a low dose of anxiety meds that helped with my symptoms and I have been on it for the past 7 years.  Three weeks after moving to the Philippines, my mom suffered a complete mental, emotional, and physical breakdown. Only by God's grace was I able to commit myself to being where I was, knowing tha...
Read more

Of Course He Isn't Safe

Image
As a missionary, we get asked some weird questions, especially while on furlough. And we get asked a lot of the same questions. Common ones include- "So, don't you just love it there?" Is it like being on vacation all the time?" (ha!) "How many people have you led to Christ?" And probably one of the top ones is- "Is it safe over there?" The dictionary describes safe as: protected from or not exposed to danger or risk; not likely to be harmed or lost; uninjured with no harm done. I guess I understand what people are asking, but sometimes I want to ask them the same thing- "Are you safe here?" Don't get me wrong. I am all about safety and being aware and careful, but it seems more like a fear loaded question of, "Are you sure you should be doing what you are doing? Because you might get killed you know." Being the nerd I am, a good Lord of The Rings quote always brings balance... "It's a dangerous business, ...
Read more