Thursday, February 19, 2015
The Honest Truth From This Missionary Wife- My Field Is Too Small
I knew I would be doing this. But I thought I'd be doing more. Something bigger. I thought I'd be out among the people letting my little light shine, talking about Jesus every moment, leading lots of people to Christ. What I'm doing day in and day out, I could be doing anywhere. In any country. I AM A MISSIONARY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!
The alarm goes off at 6:15 and I roll over and put my pillow over my head as I groggily wait for my coffee (that my sweet hubby makes every morning). No one ever accused me of being a morning person. By the time I actually get up and quietly sneak around getting ready, I sit down with my Bible and coffee at the exact time my 10-year old son bursts through the door with the entourage of dogs to say good morning and talk about something he remembered from Star Wars. I nod my head, try to look happy, listen to something about Darth Vader, pat the dogs, and send them out to do chores, really wondering how in the world he times it like that every morning. My 8 year old sweet pea comes a few minutes later still in pajamas wanting to snuggle...and so goes my "quiet time" for the morning.
After breakfast, I gather the dirty clothes and walk downstairs to the outdoor basement to do laundry. I really do like doing laundry, (I know I'm weird), and I love drying the clothes on the clothesline. The wind is blowing, the palm trees are swaying, and the sun is shining. But all I see is the dog poop all over the yard and the latest thing the puppy has torn up. Make a mental note to clean that up later.
After I send Josh off on whatever awesome thing he is doing that day, I call the kids into start school, usually with protests asking if they can finish whatever it is they are in the middle of that is so hugely important. School goes along reading about the Industrial Revolution, giving spelling tests, and fighting our way with bad attitudes through math. Science projects are always a little funky in this climate, but we try our best. Lunch follows with house cleaning and errands. Supper, a little family time, a story (we just finished Winnie-The-Pooh), prayers and bed for the kids.
At the end of the day, I climb into bed with my book and wonder what in the world I did today...and what did I do different than someone who isn't a missionary. Any number of my friends in my home country did exactly what I did today, except maybe used a dryer rather than a clothesline. I could have done what I did today in America, except it would be more fun because I would be near friends, have Starbucks & Dr. Pepper, do my shopping at Target, maybe go to a Bible study or have someone over for dinner.
To be perfectly honest, this is not how I imagined my life as a missionary. And if you didn't pick it up, sometimes I feel like my husband is the REAL missionary. Oh my gosh, I said it.
I have struggled with this on and off since we arrived on the field 6 years ago. There have been times where I have felt more like a missionary- learning language, flying in and seeing friends in the villages, being a part of Bible dedication. But what about all the times in between? The everyday life. The "Simply Tuesdays" as Emily Freeman, one of my favorite writers calls them.
I always have wanted BIG things. Big impact. Big results. Big revelations. But so, so often, God says "little." Be faithful in the small things.
Am I ok with my "mission field" being my home? My own house and those who live in it? The Filipino couple who lives with us? My neighbors?
Am I ok with my only "disciples" being my two kids? My impact being making my husband successful at his work? Why do I think his work is more important? Because he has an official title? Because he actually gets to see results? Because he is out in the thick of it doing the big things?
And who says what is big and little? Is it little just because that's how I see it? Is it big just because I can see results right away?
What if this is what being a missionary is? Being a light, a leader, an example to those God has put in my "little field?" It's all about perspective! An attitude of thankfulness and recognizing the opportunities that God has put in my life, today. They are just for me. You can't come live my life and I can't live yours. I can't impact your children, support your husband, or show His love to those in your life the way that you can.
He has called me to be a wife, a mama, His light and love to those in my field. My field has my husband, my two kiddos, a Filipino couple, many other people who God brings in and out of my field, laundry, dishes, & schooling my kids.
What's in your field? Treasure it. It's your field that He's given you. Water it. Feed it. Watch it with the tenderest care. Because, no matter how big or small, fields bring harvest.