Brown Outs

Our electricity has been going out at least once daily for several hours, sometimes all night. They call it a "brown out" here. It gets really, really annoying when I'm in the middle of dinner or a science experiment with the kids and out it goes with no promise of when it will be on again. In some ways, it seems like my life has been a "brown out" lately. The power out. The drive gone. Trudging through the day because I know that's what I need to do. Dealing with another bad attitude, another sudden change of plans, another unhappy person.

I feel like I've been on this honest kick with myself lately. Be honest. Don't stuff it. Don't wait until later to deal with it. I've discovered through experience that "stuffing it" for now, always leads to an explosion later...

One thing I'm struggling with though is this. How do you be honest & not complain? Yeah. My being honest seems to quickly lead to a huge "O, whoa is me!", giant, complaining session. And then, I feel bad about being honest"& I'm singing the "Do Everything Without Complaining" song in my head. This usually leads back into my "deal with it later", quiet cycle. Oh, where is the balance?

I really, really like when God gives answers. Especially in wise words of those who've struggled with the same things. As these thoughts have continued to run wildly through my head, "eucharisto" (Greek word meaning- to give thanks) & Ann Voskamp's many wise words keep resounding through the wilds of my mind. If you have never read her book, "One Thousand Gifts", I would highly recommend. It is times like these that I pick up again to remind myself. 

She talks about thanksgiving that is sometimes painful. When it literally takes every ounce of strength & will to give thanks for something. When through gritted teeth, with sweat pouring down my face, I mutter, "Thank you, Lord, that I have electricity to lose." When with tears running down my face & my heart physically aching, I cry, "Thank you, Jesus, for my son who teaches me patience & consistency." When missing my family on the other side of ocean becomes almost unbearable, I say, "Thank you, Father, for family to love & a clear calling on our lives, knowing this is where we are meant to be." Yes, be honest. Be thankfully honest. 

A physical, verbal giving of thanks to the Giver of All Things. That is the answer. Even if my feelings aren't quite there, say it. Out loud. "Thank you, Jesus. Thank you." It's amazing how fast your feelings catch up. There is power in words. 

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