Thursday, January 29, 2015

My Greatest Fear

Sometimes it scares me. Most of the time actually. I feel so inadequate, so unprepared, & like I have no idea what I am doing. Wait, who am I kidding? I have no idea what I am doing. I'm not sure anything could have prepared me for it. Parenting.

When I look at my babies, I realize they are babies no more. No more babies, no more toddlers. We are in big kid territory. Babies are easy. They have basic needs, they don't understand what you're saying, and you don't have to explain anything.


 But we are entering in the realm of independence, moodiness & having to explain things- hard things. Like why there are two men kissing in line in front of us, what the dogs are doing the front yard, why we can't watch that movie, why this is wrong and this is right...and the list goes on. We are past behaviors and down to heart issues. We are walking through hard things together. Living in two worlds. Leaving people behind that we love dearly. WHY we are leaving those people behind. We are sculpting little people into big people. But the idea of me sculpting anything is freaking me out.

More and more everyday, I am realizing what a HUGE responsibility this parenting thing is. My babies are His, but He has entrusted them to me to raise for Him. This is awesome & humbling, but sometimes I just wish that He had given me a list with exactly what to do in every situation that comes up with them, like- "When they whine, you do this." "When they ask this question, you say this." There are a lot of good books on parenting out there & I am the first one to jump on the bandwagon of this parenting method or that way of discipline but when it comes down to it, I try it for a while & then quit when I'm discouraged.

I have great kids. They are imaginative, creative, & bless me so much. But I want them to have an impact for the Lord. How do you raise a world-changer? How do you prepare them for what's coming? How do you teach them to love but not to compromise? How to resist temptation? How to hear God's voice?

My greatest fear is losing my kids- not necessarily to death, but to the world. It scares me TO DEATH. I have watched so many kids from amazing godly homes, with awesome parents walk away, some of them being my own family. My parents have struggled with feelings of failure, inadequacy, & guilt. But I, and everyone else, tell them, "It isn't your fault. You were faithful and obedient and raised them for the Lord. It's their choice."

So...why am I afraid? I am afraid because it is my job to make them godly adults. I am afraid that I won't say or do the things that make them love God. I am afraid that my methods & programs won't work.

Slowly and surely, like a sunrise, the truth is dawning on my stubborn, fear driven self.
My kids are His. He has given me all I need to be a mother because HE is all I need. He is the one who saves. He is the one who creates and makes a world-changer. He has given me His word & His Spirit to tell & show me what to do and say. And so much of it is, a Spirit walk. I am inadequate. But He isn't. I don't have the answers, but He does. All He asks is that I be faithful to my calling as their mother.

Joshua Christopher- God is my salvation, bearing Christ.

Christiana Faith- Graceful follower of Christ, to trust.

He does the work, the changing, that makes them world-changers. He's always faithful.

1 comment:

  1. My favorite verse right now for parenting is 1 Corinthians 3:6, "I [Paul] planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth." ESV. It reminds me that I can only plant seeds and water them. You're definitely doing that, Candy! :) I asked an older pastor's wife with 12 kids (who have seen struggles but none have walked away from the Lord) what her advice would be and she said the biggest thing is honesty. Be honest with them that you aren't perfect and don't know all the answers. Be willing to apologize and walk with them through their doubt. Praying for you!