Tuesday, January 13, 2015

My Love/Hate Relationship With Change

2015...It feels weird writing that. Weird and exciting. The past few months have been a whirlwind of busyness, holidays, family & friends, speaking at churches, and literally traveling around the world. Our plans & lives have been tossed, rearranged, changed & dissected multiple times. I have a strange relationship with change. I mostly hate it. But it is exciting at the same time, because I never know exactly what's coming.

Our ministry has changed from flying airplanes to one of strategy & assessments for at least this year. I feel a little bit of an identity crisis as we have always identified ourselves as a missionary pilot family. My house is even decorated in airplanes for crying out loud. This is where my hate relationship with change comes in. When it starts messing with my identity...funny the things we find our identity in. Usually something that can change in the blink of an eye.

I recently took a personality test that was actually very accurate...I am an ESFJ- a Sentinel. Someone who stands in the same place! The SAME place. Unfortunately, it is hard to stay in the same place and go very far with God.

There is a lot of stuff out nowadays about being true to your self, embracing your inner self, etc. I think there is some truth to some of it, but to be honest, a lot of it is bunk. God has given each of us unique personalities, strengths, weaknesses, things we like and dislike, preferences, passions and callings. But I've discovered something. A lot of times, He asks us to do things, to follow Him into something or somewhere that we don't like, that we aren't "gifted" for, & that simply "just isn't me." My life is a life of change- constant change. And guess what? I am a SENTINEL, a TYPE A, a steady.

But Jesus says-
"And Jesus called to Him the throng with His disciples and said to them, If anyone intends to come after Me, let him deny himself [forget, ignore, disown, and lose sight of himself and his own interests] and take up his cross, and [joining Me as a disciple and siding with My party] follow with Me [continually, cleaving steadfastly to Me]." -Mark 8:34 AMP

I use the excuse a lot that, "This is just not me." Well, I'm right. It's not. It's HIM. And He has called me to it. And I would be miserable if I decided to do anything but what He has called me to. Sometimes I have wondered what it means to deny myself- well, for me, right now, I have my answer. To step out in obedience to this life of change & know that HE will be all I need. If HE called me to something that I was "capable" of, I wouldn't really need Him, would I?

This truly has been a rambling post...thanks for reading, supporting, & living life with me. It's truly an adventure, this missionary life.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Candy! I feel your heart in this, and I am so sorry that you have to struggle through this. You have a good outlook on it, by seeking Christ and only following Him, but it still hurts. <3 I'll be praying for you guys during this time of transition and unknown change! <3